1.1 Catherine
1:12 PM | Posted by
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James...
This is always the first thought in my head when I wake up.
Wake up? I don't remember going to bed...
Memories flood my brain. She does not love him. The cold stone floor of the church. William's voice. ...tolerated this nonsense long enough. And then nothing.
James...
This must be a sign! My heartbeat increases as my mind races. The Divine is telling me there is another way. A way to save Jack and still love James. Background sounds in my environment start to filter in and over the sound of my heart beat pulsing in my ears.
"She's awake." I hear someone speak. "She's... smiling!"
My heart is no longer racing but beating a strong, steady rhythm. I am surprised to realize that I AM smiling. I take a long, slow breath in, as if for the first time. This breath is my new energy. I will not rest until I find a way to help Jack. I am saved. I am reborn. I am...
"Catherine?" Father's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I open my eyes. The room is crowded with people. I am on a huge bed with covers pulled up over my shoulders. I look at Father. His face smiles and he steps back.
Another face appears. Concerned. Frowning... and even somewhat attractive, if it was not so pinched. The face comes into focus. I am surprised to recognize William.
Seeing my recognition, William steps back to speak with the doctor again. Mother now sits at the edge of my bed. The room comes into better focus. My thoughts are consistent. James.
I smile at Mother. I try to tell her everything is going to be ok. I am unable to speak. My throat is dry.
"The medication..." Mother explains. "The doctor says you should be feeling better soon." I overhear conversations in the background and pick up random words "excitement..." "exhaustion..." "her heart..."
"I knew that dress was too heavy. Too tight...” Mother continues, as if talking to herself. My thoughts go back to him. His words. She does not love him.
Thank you Divine! Thank you for hearing my heart and not my actions. Thank you for intervening right at the last minute! Thank you for saving me! I know you will guide me to another way to help Jack!
Mother hands me a glass of water and I take a sip. The cool liquid liberates my tongue and soothes my throat. I attempt to speak.
"When can I see him?"
Mother motions to a seated figure at the far side of the room. My heart leaps. But I see it is Jack seated in his usual rolling chair. He looks so thin.
"I need to go...” I try to sit up and Mother eases me back into bed.
"William tells me you must stay in bed for at least two more days." When I look puzzled, Mother adds, "Doctors orders." My puzzled expression does not change.
Where AM I?
A look of pride comes over Mother's face. "You must listen to William now,” she says. I have not seen her look at me like that in a long time. Father shoots a concerned look at me while still talking with William and the doctor. Jack's frail body sits by the window, bathed in the light like a saint. People are rushing in and out of the room bringing in things. Removing things. But all of that stops for me with one final sentence from Mother.
One sentence that I will never forget. One sentence that seems to drain all the new hope from my body as the darkness creeps back in. The covers seem to tighten over my body as my mind tries to resist what it knows to be true. One final sentence before my world goes black...
"It is your duty now... as his wife."
