1.10 Jack
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I was never going to be the star athlete, or the top politician. I always knew that. I was brought up to believe I could do or be anything I wanted. It’s just that people really didn’t interest me all that much. By the time I was five, my parents had already given up on arranging for friends to come over and play. It would always end the same way. With me happily playing by myself, and my guest bored, wanting to go home. So they got me a dog.
Callie was a beautiful puppy. By the age of two, she was a full-grown German shepherd. She would sit by me all day during my lessons and sleep on my bed at night, making it impossible for monsters to ever make it to my closet or under my bed. On the days that I did not have lessons, we would explore the woods behind the main house. We named every rock and tree stump. Paths that only we could see were created to easily navigate long distances quickly. Hours would be spent just sitting by the creek, watching tadpoles and some times even small fish pass by. Until Callie would give me that look, with her soft chocolate-brown eyes, that meant it was time to go home for dinner. Mother used to wonder how I was always on time, considering I had no watch. But I knew. We were operating on Nature’s time!
It was around this time that Mother and Father told me I was going to have a baby sister. I was very excited and Callie and I decided we would teach her all the names of the forest and eventually show her even our most secret paths.
The day Catherine was born, I was told to stay in my room. Sitting on my bed, with Callie by my side, we waited until Father came in and told us of Catherine’s arrival.
“Can I see her?” I asked.
“Not yet, my boy.” Father patted me on the head and ruffled my hair. “Your mother is still getting used to her and the doctor says they need a few days rest before they can have visitors.” Father looked tired but proud.
I wanted to tell him that I was not a visitor! But he was already on his way out the door. Closing the door behind him I heard the doctor speak of germs and children and pets.
Three days later, Father led me by the hand to their bedroom to introduce me to my new baby sister. Mother was sitting up in her chair by the window, holding Catherine in a bundle of blankets.
“She’s so… tiny!” I exclaimed. And with one look, I decided we would be best friends. I spent a few hours with Mother and Catherine, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting and watching, until Father came to take me to bed.
I spent all night dreaming of our grand adventures in the forest. Catherine, me, and Callie, with the world to explore!
Catherine was three when the doctor told me I could not go outside anymore.
It’s not like I should have been surprised. I would start to get tired earlier and earlier and eventually I would be the one telling Callie we needed to go back home. Our trips were shorter and covered less distance. But regardless of my dwindling energy levels, the stillness of the woods still called to me.
It’s not like I remember a specific day that I felt different. It was kind of gradual, and marked in my memories by a chain of external events.
One day, the doctor came and took more blood than usual and I could not go out at all. I felt faint and spent the rest of the day in bed with my favorite books, reading to Callie.
Another day the doctor came and did not see me at all. Callie and I had our heads pressed against the door, but could only hear murmurs of conversation between the doctor and my parents.
Then there was the day they told me. The doctor came in but did not bring his medical bag. Mother and Father stood behind him as he sat in a chair in front of me. I was sitting on the floor with Callie when he told me I was sick. I’m not sure if there are words to properly communicate mortality to a child. I certainly did not understand why Mother was crying and Father was holding her so tightly. Even Catherine started to cry from her crib in the corner.
I was told I was sick and would have to take medication every day. Because I needed all my energy to stay well, I would no longer be able to wander in the forest. I could go outside, for a few minutes each day, but never unsupervised. And so my world shrank to our house and a perimeter of a few feet around it.
Mother was kept busy with my new sister, and now worrying about me and making sure I didn’t wander off. It was especially hard on her when Father would have to go away on business. Before we had help in the house but now those salaries were spent on my medication. I wasn’t supposed to know this, but the conversations were no longer hushed in our house.
Callie and I spent the next few months indoors and I would read lots of books to her, on the days I was not too tired. My lessons expanded over the years and I re-discovered the natural world in a whole new way through the subjects of mathematics, physics and astronomy. And so I would not become the athlete or the politician. But I did learn Father’s trade, and became quite good at it. Even though my passion was in the natural sciences, by the age of 18, I was making an honorable living in banking with hopes to eventually pay off the debts my parents incurred due to my illness.
It’s probably a good thing I did not know the doctor told my parents, that day when I was ten, that I wouldn’t live out the rest of that year. Otherwise I might have believed him.
